Why the second baby is easier than the first.

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Let me start this post by saying this is 100% my opinion, and I also think the age gap between your kids weighs heavily on how difficult this phase of life can be. My boys are three years and four months apart.

I remember getting a positive pregnancy test in August of 2015. That is still one of the most exciting days of my life. I was the girl who always dreamed of my wedding, husband, and kids, so to be pregnant for the first time was a dream come true.

Fast forward to April 1st, 2016, when Graham was born. To say we were in heaven would be an understatement. I remember looking over at Chris, the morning after Graham was born, and seeing him weeping as he looked into our new son's eyes. It is a moment I'll never forget.

We were as smitten as any first time parents, but I'd be lying if I said our world wasn't rocked.

You see, with your first baby you have no idea what to expect. I don't care how much research you've done, how tired you think you know you'll be, how prepared you think you are...you have no idea until you actually become a parent.

Chris and I had been us, just us, for over six years by the time we had Graham. We had always done what we wanted, when we wanted. We had always spent money how we wanted, when we wanted. We had always gone on date night or took a trip without having to think about leaving behind our heart and soul. We had always slept through the night and woke up when we wanted.

Then, you have a baby and that all changes.

Going from no kids to one kid rocked our world. It was the best and hardest thing ever.

When we started to think about baby number two, we got nervous thinking, "Are we ready?" When we finally decided we were ready, we felt extreme peace knowing this time around would be easier.

You see, the second time around you aren't adjusting to some small human coming in and disrupting things. 

You aren't trying to figure out how to keep a newborn alive.

You aren't trying to figure out when you'll sleep again.

You aren't trying to figure out how to get your baby to nap right away or sleep through the night.

You aren't worried about never having alone time again by yourself or with your spouse, or how to navigate marriage and a baby.

You aren't scouring mom blogs and Facebook posts about all the advice from every angle.

You aren't wondering when you'll ever get to shower longer than five minutes. 

Instead, you embrace the disruption knowing things will eventually calm down.

You are less stressed and more confident knowing that you know how to be the perfect caretaker for your baby. 

You don't cry about lost sleep, but, instead, grab that cup of coffee, scoop up your newborn, and cherish their sleepy smiles knowing that one day they won't let you snuggle them like that.

You don't stress about a schedule or naps or sleeping through the night because you know it will come. You don't read books or blogs about babies sleeping through the night right away because 1. you don't believe anyone who says their baby always sleeps through the night, and 2. you know that when your baby is developmentally ready, your baby will do all the "things."

You squeeze in "dates" with your spouse and know that one day you'll get to have solo date nights and solo vacations. You know that one day, soon, your baby will take nice long naps and you'll be anxious for them to wake up because you miss them!

You unfollow most mom blogs and never read the Facebook posts because you know that you have to do what you feel is right for your baby...not what the 1,938 other moms say. You know that too much advice is never a good thing. 

You, now being a seasoned mom, don't even take long showers, so this isn't an issue, ha!

I write all of this to say, it gets better. Everyday, every moment, ever season and stage gets better. Some seasons may challenge you. Some phases may be difficult. Some moments may make you want to fake a poop for thirty minutes just so you can get some alone time. That's all normal.

What I can also say is that the second time is so different than the first. It is a whole different level of love because you now get to see your oldest be a sibling. Seeing Graham as a big brother is something straight out of a fairytale. His pure LOVE for his brother is so genuine and precious.

So, to all you mommas out there hanging on by a thread...it is normal. Life will one day feel normal again. Time is fleeting, so grab that tiny human, snuggle them, and be thankful God chose you to wake up fifteen times a night to care for His child.


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