There would be no other reason for my Mom to call at 7:27am than to tell me something urgent.
It was urgent: my Grandpa John, my Mom's dad, had passed away.
It wasn't unexpected. He hadn't been well for weeks now, but it still hurts. That pit-in-your-stomach-knot-in-your-throat feeling.
This morning I had been talking to Chris, who is traveling for work at the moment, and my Mom called. I hung up with Chris and knew. I knew right when her name popped on my screen that this was it.
Ugh, punch in the gut. No husband home to console me, makeup halfway on, partially dressed for work.
I held it together while on the phone with my Mom. She was not crying, her tears had run dry. She was tired. We talked about how he was up in heaven hangin' out with God, and kissing everybody on the forehead, watching The Price is Right.
A couple weeks ago in church Matt Chandler talked about death. He talked about the difference between an 86 year old dying and a 30 year old dying. He talked about how different tears are shed, different pain if felt.
I really feel that. I have only lost two grandparents. Two grandparents that got to live long, happy, glorious lives. It is such a peaceful feeling knowing that they lived for 85+ years. How can that be sad?
After I hung up with my Mom, I called Chris back and I lost it. The uncontrollable boo-hoo that almost brought my husband to tears. I could hear the pain in his voice that I was hurting and he wasn't there.
My tears fell hard because we were supposed to see my Grandpa in two weeks. I prayed that God let us have him for two more weeks so I could see him one last time. God is so good, ya know? He knew I wouldn't want to see him in the state he was in. He knew that the memories I have with him are happy thoughts.
Today I kept myself busy. After texting one of my friends at work saying I wouldn't be in today, I realized that that is not what Grandpa John would want. What am I to do all day? Sit around and cry, by myself?
I went to work. At first it was hard. I got teary eyed, and a bit choked up, but the guys I sit with made me laugh all day. They were so great.
I was able to keep busy and keep my mind off of it, just as Grandpa Jon would have wanted.
You know what? I am doing okay. I am at peace knowing that he isn't suffering anymore. He isn't hooked up to a machine, or being monitored 24/7. He had kidney failure last week and it was a decline from there. My Mom told me the "sparkle" in his blue eyes was gone and that is when she knew he was in pain.
Can I just say that my Mom is the strongest lady I know? She met with hospice, the funeral home, and dealt with everything involving a passing last week, on her own. Of course my Dad was there to comfort her when needed, but she did it all on her own. Being a Daddy's girl, she had some tough days. She called me crying last week and let me tell you...hearing your parents hurting is the WORST pain, ever. Ugh.
Now we are in the grieving process. I just got off the phone with her and she was her happy self. She has only had two hours of sleep in the last 24 hours, so maybe she is delirious. Either way, she is at peace and that is what matter most to me. My Meme Lou is "doing okay." When you have been married for over 55 years and you just lost your best friend...I can't even imagine. Can't even imagine. Que the teary eyes.
Please pray for my family as we deal with this loss. A small, intimate service will be held in the near future to honor a great man.
Now I just have one more Guardian Angel watching over me. And no worries, he is watching over you too...that's just how he is :)
I love and miss you, Grandpa John.
I will never forget your prickly beard that poked me every time you kissed me and how you whistled all the time.