My Workout Routine: I'm Struggling

I cannot get this picture to turn...

I'm the one wrapped in the blanket. I was pitching during the championship game of a tournament and I got hit in the head by a line drive hit straight back to me. After watching the video, I threw the girl out at first base before I passed out. I ended up getting MVP of the tournament and it is a game I will never forget...at least what I can remember :) #fortheloveofthegame

Growing up I was always active. I played on a year-around traveling softball team from 5th - 12th grade and played every sport in middle school through high school. I was constantly at some sort of practice or game or softball lesson. Sitting around never really happened for me.

Fast forward to college where I played softball. Being active was a requirement and I never worried about having to choose a workout or plan time for it. Practice and workouts were set by our coach and I just followed directions.

That is how my workout life has been since I was little: someone decides the workout and I follow it. I worked out to train for something. I worked out to be better at the sport I was playing. I never worked out just to better my body.

Now, with no team to play on, no coach telling me what to do, and no personal trainer, I am left to come up with my own workouts and I am left to motivate myself. It was always easy to get motivated when I was younger because I was extremely competitive. I wanted to run the fastest and jump the highest. Now, I don't care who runs faster than me, who can lift more than me, or frankly, who has a better body than me. I am married and am confident with what I've got.

Middle school awkward years #25

Then I started to feel crummy. It was like my body was saying, "You've worked out your entire life and now you're going to stop?! Well I'll show you!" Let me say this: I never have worked out to look a certain way. I have always worked out because it was what I was required to do because of the sport I was playing. I never really thought, "Oh, I love working out!" It was just something I did because I love(d) sports!

This has been the hardest transition for me. To go from working out in order to be a better athlete to now workout out for...my body? my health? how I look in a bathing suit?

I'm not sure. To be healthier I guess? I don't aim to lose weight or be a fitness model. I've always been stalky and on the more muscular side, not the long and lean side. I simply workout because it is something I've always done, but I always did it for sports, never for me.

Chris and I have been following Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer for a little over a month now and I can see my body changing, but I still think, "Okay, when is the big game coming that I've been training for?! Oh, wait, there is no game..." This has, by far, been the biggest transition for me as far as working out goes.

Most days I miss the competition of playing sports terribly. I hate that I will never play a high school basketball game again, or rally in the dugout with my friends. It pains me to think that I might be that crazy mom in the stands one day, because I always hated those parents. The crazy yelling ones, you know? I've already told Chris how excited I am to coach our kids sports teams. He is equally as excited, but doesn't think as far ahead as I do, hah!

I saw some high school girls in the gym the other day and all I wanted to tell them to cherish this time. They were volleyball players and I was jealous that they still got to play on Friday nights and practice with their best friends. I was jealous that they still had someone coaching them and pushing them to 'leave it all out on the floor.'

During the summers I attend daily workout classes because, once again, I love someone else telling me what to do. It is what I know. I don't want to think about what I have to do next. Just yell and me and tell em I'm not going to die, tell me I'm not pushing it hard enough, and I will do it.

All-in-all, I am blessed to be able to workout. I am blessed to have been an athlete my whole life and sustained only minor injuries. I am blessed to have married someone who, when we are in the gym together, pushes me like a coach. I guess what I'm training for now is not a game, but instead for this next chapter in my life, whatever that may hold.