5 Tips to a Healthy Marriage After Kids

Hi friends! I am here today to talk about some tips I have found helpful to keep your marriage thriving after you bring a kiddo into the mix.

Let's all be real here. You love your spouse, but the second that baby enters the world, you're a puddle in their tiny hands. And, unfortunately, it is your relationship that may fall by the waste side for a period of time.

I'm not expert, but I have 6 years of marriage under my belt, and experience with a toddler, and I still very much love my husband.

Here are my tips on how to keep a healthy marriage after kids:

1. Be easy on yourself and realize that ALL relationships ebb and flow. No marriage or relationship is perfect. Chris was my whole world...until Graham entered the equation. Now I had two whole worlds who both needed all of my attention and it was hard! It was rocky, and there were ups and downs, but we both knew that was just a season. Things will get back to normal and new stressors will come into play. Just know that it is okay if your in a low spot. You will get out of it!

2. Let one another do what they love or need to feel like "them self." For me, that was getting back into working out and being with my friends. I've worked out my entire life. I started playing softball in 3rd grade and didn't stop until I was 21. I was put on bed rest with Graham at 27 weeks for two weeks. After that I couldn't workout. Then, I had a newborn and had no time to workout. It wasn't until a year ago when I decided I NEEDED that time to go let out some stress and get back to feeling like myself. For Chris, he needs guy time, or just time to work outside. You have to let your spouse do whatever it is that fill their cup.

3. Take trips together! To each their own, but nothing brings Chris and I closer than taking a trip with just the two of us. I left Graham for the first time to go to Napa when he was four months old. It was hard, but once I went and did it, I felt confident in traveling more without him. Just this year Chris and I have traveled to Germany, Amsterdam, London, and Maui all without G! We try to get away, just the two of us, once every couple of months!

4. Be kind to one another and realize you are each other's best friend. Chris and I are super competitive. It is definitely something we struggle with in our marriage because we are constantly comparing loads of laundry to minutes spent with G. It has bitten us in the butt more times than I'd like to admit, but realizing that we are in this together helps. If I need a minute to catch my breath or go out for a girl's day, Chris is more than willing to take on the G duties. One the flip side, if Chris needs an evening with his friends, or an afternoon to watch football with the guys, I realize that.

5. Rely on help. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but we are blessed to be surrounded by our family and friends who love Graham just as much as we do. Graham has more aunts and uncles that any other kid I know and we truly mean it when we say they are family. Heck, two couples built houses right next to us, so they must like us! Anyways, rely on their help and don't feel bad about it. Parenting is hard enough, so don't think you have to do it all alone!

Bonus: If you can, hire a cleaning service! Seriously! At the end of the day, everyone is tired. I teach all day long then tend to a toddler until Chris walks in the door. Chris works hard all day and walks in to me begging him to take G for 5 minutes so I can pee alone. So, the LAST thing we want to do on a weekend, or when we get free time, is clean! I know this isn't in everyone's budget, but I highly recommend it! Now, Chris and I never argue about who has to sweep or vacuum. Or, who has to do all the dishes, or clean the shower. It is just done and it leaves time for us to spend as a family!

Do you have any tips?? I'd love to hear!

6 Things I’ve Learned in 6 Years of Marriage

I cannot believe I’ve been married for 6 years (as of Saturday!). Who let a little 22 year old get married? What were my parents thinking? What were Chris and I thinking?! No, our kids cannot get married that young :)

My marriage is something I am proud of. For this day and age I can confidently say that Chris and I ‘do’ marriage really well. Do we fight? YES. Sometimes they are simple arguments and sometimes major tears are shed, but that is always bound to happen when a lot of love and passion is involved. What I’m proud of is that we know we are in this TOGETHER, for life. At the end of the day, we are family and there are always ups and downs, but family is family and that is so important to us.

Getting married fresh out of college, Chris and I have been through many stages of life together. We have grown up together. We have matured together (although men never fully mature…). I think we surround ourselves with other strong couples who encourage our marriage and that is a major blessing. We have now successfully parented for two years together and life just couldn’t get any sweeter having Chris by my side.

We also have two sets of parents who have over 60 years of combined marriage experience. Neither of our parents have ever told us marriage would be easy. We’ve witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly from both sets of parents, but they have never been anything short of loving and encouraging and the best examples for us.

Although 6 years isn’t long to some, I feel like we’ve learned a lot in six years of marriage.

1. Saying sorry is the best thing you can do. Sorry goes a long way and, as stubborn as you may be, saying sorry can really help heal the situation.
2. Do not assume your husband can read your mind. When you are glaring at them because they are relaxing and you’re doing the dishes, they seriously see nothing wrong with that situation. If you want help, ask. 99% of the time Chris will do or help with whatever I ask of him. My passive aggressive suggestions of him helping never get us anywhere. I’ve learned to ask and don’t assume he knows what you’re thinking.
3. It doesn’t matter how long you’re together, having kids changes things. Chris and I have been together 9 years and had Graham after being married for almost four years and things changed. Not necessarily good change or bad change, but things change. You go from life being easy and carefree to all of a sudden sharing attention and affection and it can be hard. But, I’ve learned that is just a season and, although things will never return to how they were, things are feeling more “normal” as we have adjusted to having a child.
4. Don’t compare your marriage to anyone else's. That couple looks happy and soooo in love. Good for them! But, you never know what people are going through and the best thing to do is worry about your marriage and know that each marriage is unique in its own way.
5. Allow girl-time and boy-time. Yes, your spouse is your best friend, but it is SO important to have friends outside of just you and your spouse. Aside from being a wife and mom, I am a friend to many girls who I love and care about. It is so important  for both Chris and I to get time with our own friends. Guys need guy time and girls need girl time and there is nothing wrong with that.
6. Listen. This one is HARD. Y’all, so hard. Everyone always wants to “win” an argument, but marriage is not about winning because you’re on the SAME TEAM!!! Chris and I are FAR from perfect, but we try to tell the other person when we need to be heard. Listening to what the other person says and needs is vital in keeping a marriage strong.

What is your marriage advice? What is the hardest advice to follow? It is number six for me!!

10 Signs You Married Your Best Friend

1. You can do everything in front of that person and not feel one ounce of embarrassment.

2. When something happens, big or small, they are the first person you think to call.

3. You have so many inside jokes that you can basically speak in code. Chris and I have a lot of acronyms that we use on a daily basis and it is quite amusing getting looks from our family like, "What in the heck are they talking about?!"

4. You can fight and make up because you can't hold a grudge against your best friend, duh.

5. Laughter is constant, and almost to the point of tears, over absolutely nothing.

6. When you think about having a great day, that person is always included in your plans. Unless that great day is at the spa. In that case, Chris would probably drive me nuts :)

7. For most occasions you try to surprise them in any way you can.

8. You get giddy when they're happy.

9. You feel mostly partially responsible for their successes.

10. You pray for them constantly. There isn't a night that goes by that I don't pray for Chris and our relationship. His happiness is my happiness, so even on my worst days, if he is happy, I'm happy....as cheesy as that sounds. If he is in a bad mood, well, then we're screwed hah!

How do you know you married your best friend?!

PS: Don't forget to link up to yesterday's WIWW post!